She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
