so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
