Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
