I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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