if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
