So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
