we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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