I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
