I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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