dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
