Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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