She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
