We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Randomize
