Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
