So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
