I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
