oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
