Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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