Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize