You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Even my vagina gasped.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
