I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
