he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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