nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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