Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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