I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize