I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
