Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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