last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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