She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
