ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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