we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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