So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
