i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
