Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
