I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
