I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
When did angry sex become our thing?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
