The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I need a beard to bite.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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