So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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