Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
