I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
whose parrot is this?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
