Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
