dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We left the knife in your bed.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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