Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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