there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
