Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
