i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
