Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
how drunk are you?
Several
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
