but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
