How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
