Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
