he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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