How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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