There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
