Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
