i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
