I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
