Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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