Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
