Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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