Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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