I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Man, jail baloney is awful.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
