well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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