Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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