Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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