Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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