My brain says no but my pants say off.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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