I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
