when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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